An Actor in Anton Blog: Alisa Goldberg
Tech Week is beginning for the cast of Anton In Show Business! The show opens on Friday (what a perfect Valentine’s Day (or weekend) date!) To kick off tech week, get a closer look into actor Alisa Goldberg’s rehearsal process. She takes an intrinsic examination of her character and how the show imitates life and how life imitates the show a little too well. #weloveametashow
It’s been a solid three years since I’ve written a blog, but I guess if I had to write one about a show I’m doing, Anton in Show Business is the perfect one. I don’t think I’ve ever done a show with all women in it—-scratch that, I performed The Vagina Monologues once in college. But that was just for one night, and this is an entire production. I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit skeptical at first. How is a room full of actresses going to flow smoothly without drama, or judgment, or jealousy? I’ve always found myself getting along better with guys, so I wasn’t sure if I would fit in with the group. To my surprise, it’s actually pretty great. Everybody’s personalities are so different, but somehow we all get along. Really well. Maybe that’s because everyone in this cast is a talented, dedicated, and decent person. Maybe by eliminating the “dude factor” (yeah I think I’m gonna call it that from now on), us women get the chance to express ourselves freely and bond effortlessly. After all, isn’t that what makes a great cast, which leads to a great production? If the beginning of this process is any indication of how the rest of it will play out, and what ends up happening on stage, I’m pretty damn excited about it. P.S. I’m definitely not hating on men here, on or off the stage. It’s just a totally different experience and it definitely has to do with the fact that we’re all female. It’s what this show calls for. And we’re doing it justice. Boys are cool, too.
Dear Diary, today I went to a rehearsal where the actresses are already trying to be off book, some are almost totally memorized, and everybody listens to each other in the scenes. Who would’ve thought this was possible? I’m sure everybody in the theatre world has been a part of at least one production in their lives where some cast members are never fully memorized, or chemistry was forced and everything looked/felt fake on stage. I hate that. I’m sure everybody does. It makes you wonder for a minute, “Why am I even doing this?” But then you do a show where everything clicks perfectly and you remember once more. I do like being at rehearsal, but the weight of the outside world is starting to take its toll. I’m just so tired. I always try to leave my problems at the door, and I definitely don’t intend to let my mood affect the other actors, but I’m sure my resting bitch face and lack of energy during group warm ups gives some indication into where my mind is at. There’s just a lot going on and I’m trying to balance it all. At the very least, I’m still giving 100% on stage. I just may look like a feral cat during breaks. Luckily, this show is so complex and layered that I feel comfortable using my emotions to propel my character choices. There’s so much going on all the time. There are still questions I have about the show that are difficult to answer, and moments where I’m asking myself, “Who are you really right now?” The show is so meta and serio-comic that I really do step into another life when I’m Holly, but at the same time, I’m almost forced to be myself, too. I wonder how much of Holly I’m taking home lately…
So many snow days, so little time! The weather has been insane and the polar vortex has caused a couple cancellations on rehearsals. Thank god. The last thing I wanted was to stick even a single limb into the arctic. I’m also not concerned about the show (should I be? We’re just a few weeks away…). So the frigid air and my overwhelming confidence are keeping me indoors. I don’t mean to brag (ok maybe just a little) but I’m feeling pretty solid on lines and characterization. I’ve got like 10% more to push for this Frankenstein-monster-esque baby to reach its full potential. The key is to engrave the lines into my brain like a bizarre Things Remembered crystal anniversary gift. From there, it’s all about going big until I’m told to pull it back. Which has yet to happen (maybe ever?) so I’ve definitely got room to play. I think that’s one of my favorite things about rehearsing a show. Or maybe even acting in general. We don’t really get to “play” as much as adults. Granted, I spend an ample amount of time with video games and hardly ever turn down a game night, escape room, or anything of the sort. So I guess on a personal level, I DO still play a lot. Is that weird? Am I getting too old for that? Nah. Not even close. Plus I’m not old, so I’ve got that going for me.
I am unbelievably tired. Exhausted mentally and physically. I think I may have taken on too much. I took a small break this winter by separating myself from the holiday show, thinking I would be refreshed and renewed for another show come spring. And maybe I would’ve been, had I not taken on any more commitments. But this is me we’re talking about. I like to challenge myself. Until the challenge actually comes up and all I want to do is avoid it. It’s such a weird mixture of laziness and ambition. How do people adult? I got cast in a touring anti-bullying production several weeks back and the actual performances have begun. Did I think I would be waking up between 4-5am and driving for half the day for this? No. Maybe if I did, I wouldn’t have taken the job. It’s definitely fun and rewarding on some level (and the money ain’t bad), but spending the day performing for kids at different schools and then rehearsing at night has proven more difficult than anticipated. Maybe it’s just because I never had to do it before, but having 3 scripts circulating in my head at one time is a bit overwhelming. I’m just drained. On top of that, keeping up with mine and Josh’s newest podcast “What Am I Watching?” and auditioning and taking care of home life and trying to stay physically and emotionally healthy and—yeah that’s the life of a theatre actress in America. Which is kind of the point of Anton. So, full circle, I guess. Art mimics life. Or life mimics art. Whatever it is. #ThisShowIsTooMeta.